failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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