Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
