i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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