The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
