apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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