I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
