She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Your cock deserves a montage
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
