I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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