can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
