I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
