I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I licked your asshole in confidence.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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