I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
