So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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