She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
