Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
