y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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