Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
