She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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