i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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