I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
