words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The beer is more important than you right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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