Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
