Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
