your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
