there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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