forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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