At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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