i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
