Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize