You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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