So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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