i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
