Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
high people should be assigned attendants
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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