Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
