Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
