Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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