On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
