Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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