Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
