i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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