Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
time to smoke my breakfast
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
