My room smells like vodka and shame
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
