My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
