can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
