you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
