the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
