i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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