I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
that is very illegal...i love you.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
