Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
