I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what day is it and did you see me today?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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