how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
