someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
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Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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