I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
