And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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