I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
