I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I lost the right to judge tonight
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
