who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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