Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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