The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
